I hated mindfulness when I first started doing it.

I began learning mindfulness as an intern. It was my job to lead the mindfulness at the beginning of each group. I studied and read up, and did it, but I did not "get it".  I went through the steps and followed all the directions, but I was so focused on teaching, I wasn't doing.  Since I was so in my head,  it was hard to know if my lessons were landing. 

Fast forward several years and many patients, my practice clicked into place. Slowly at first, and eventually the process sped up.  I had internalized the lesson as a teacher, and now I was going to do it as a practitioner.  I was able to see both roles as unique and complementary.